My Intention Is Happiness

in progress…

It’s not about the grand gestures - it’s about the million different little things - silly jokes and paper hearts, bbq’s… a shared look - staring into the others eyes with a sense of calm recognition that there is nowhere else you’d rather be.  Together.  It’s equally about him remembering to ask about your parents as it is about forgetting where you keep the salt and pepper.  About reading the exhaustion that lines his face from the days spent apart and knowing that though hard on you both, the world looks just a little different now to him - the city hasn’t changed - but he has, if only just a little.  It’s about letting go even when you want to hold on as tight as you can, trusting with confidence that he’ll come back again when he can simply because he wants to - to share stories and kisses - with you.  It’s about finding the courage to ask for what you want - to wake up to his smile on Christmas morning - even though you fear the answer.  That hearing no doesn’t mean the world stops but rather that the two of you will still be okay, stronger.  It’s to believing that time and patience are the keys to any relationship even when he has more patience than you and you have more time than him but together you balance each other out, make the pieces fit.  It’s not about the separation or the unanswered texts but rather about living in the details everyday - of his scent left on your pillow, your book he’s eager to read, the dinners shared, a surprise plant.  It’s as much about the times spent apart as it is together - about this journey through life - each day a little more - hand in hand, an ocean apart - understanding that another person is on your side - ready to catch you when you fall, support you when you’re sad, hug you when you’re home and love you without asking the questions, without saying the words - that the answers, if important, will all be revealed in time.  It’s about picking up right where things left off and learning that decisions are not always your own - differences of opinion make you both better, compromise allows us to grow and sometimes things are beyond our control but trust - trust is essential, enough.   It’s about the smiles and silliness and cherishing the minutes, each and every one because though time is infinite our lives are not and while we are here it’s best we spend them living with all the passion we can sustain.  There’s no use waiting on the inflated bullshit but rather a need to cherish our health and strength, independence and laughter and the happiness we gain as partners - ravishing each other when we can, yearning when we must but also learning to love, truly love even in the face of heartbreak.  Full on.  Love is the boldest gesture of all.